80s Adolescent Angst: Sister Isabel

Why blog the 80s?

Due to not-so-popular yet compelling demand, I'm blogging my high school diary entries from the late eighties and early nineties.

You are more likely to enjoy this blog if:
- You were born between 1970 and 1976.
- You thought George Michael would fall in love with you if he only got to know you.
- Your Aquanet consumption easily exceeded one fushia aerosol can per month.
- You penned at least one angsty poem per week about your latest crush.
- You assiduously nursed all legitimate bouts of melancholia into sustained periods of truly impressive despair. When you consulted your journals weeks after writing about each episode, you moved yourself to tears.

My Young Women's teacher, Sister Isabel, lost her baby. I feel more angry than anything. She didn't deserve it! She was out searching for M. because M. totally freaked out and ran off while it was raining and Sister Isabel wanted to make sure M. was safe.

M. is so freaky when she's off her medication. But, I should have gone after her so Sister Isabel didn't have to. I should have been there for her! I was too worried about my own selfish problems that I didn't lissten to hers when she tried to tell me.

Mom let me get roses for Sister Isabel, but it seems like not enough.

When I took her the roses, all she cared about was me. She's so good. How are people that good? She told me that I could pray about what is on my mind. What is on my mind is that God is not very fair. Sister Isabel is so sweet and kind and she really wanted this baby. I don't get God at all. How do you pray when all you feel like saying is, I don't like what's going on down here. You let really bad stuff happen, or You make it happen, and it doesn't make sense!

At the funeral, they brought out this tiny casket and it was pouring down rain and the tarp I was standing under started gushing water down my back but I didn't care. I don't know if she can have babies anymore. She's so young, but something went wrong with her blood and the baby's blood. I think the baby was born alive, but died after birth. I think when I get older I will have a baby and give it to her. And, I'll pray for her. Not for me, but for her. Am I capable of being even that least bit selfless? I don't know.

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