I haven't kissed anyone for real. Michael kissed me behind the dumpster in the third grade and all I remember about it was it looked like he hadn't brushed his teeth in a while and the dumpster smelled. The dumpster was behind the cafeteria and it always had milk coming out of it like little watery milk puddles. So GROSS!
Also, I think Brian tried to kiss me once in the park when I was in the eighth grade, but that doesn't count because I asked him to. The park was so romantic, and we were going out. But it was weird because we were better friends and talked more on the phone when we weren't going out, so we broke up before he ever tried to kiss me without me suggesting it.
I can't remember how long we went out but I think it was less than a week. I didn't know what to do and I'm pretty sure he didn't either.
A guy from the play totally kissed me but I just sort of followed along because I was not sure what to do and then he totally stuck his tongue in my ear. Ewww! It felt kind of good when he kissed me on the ear but when he stuck his tongue in it all the way, it was so nasty. I kept thinking it must taste awful! And I wanted to rub the spit out of it right away.
I told Brian and Doug about the nasty tongue in the ear and they said you are NOT supposed to do that and they laughed for a LONG time. They still tease me about it.
The Sassy article says not to put your tongue down somebody's throat, at least right away anyway. That's a relief. They should have mentioned not putting your tongue INSIDE someone's ear, also. Why do people stick their tongues down other people's throats? I would totally choke, I know it! I hate tongue depressors! I can't ever keep my tongue down and I gag.
I know I sound like a goody two shoes, but I'm not! Lately, I think about kissing guys all the time. I really want someone to kiss my collar bones. Tina told me it feels GREAT when a guy kisses your collar bones.
Anyway, when I have a REAL first kiss I want to know what I'm doing! So, you practice by kissing the part of your hand where the thumb and palm meet. I've tried kissing my pillow, and the hand is definitely better.
Tina says I'm such a nerd for practicing. But, you practice everything else to get better at it. Why not kissing?
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