the butt that ben saw... 01.09.89 (Monday)

Today wuz so weird! I just had the best day! And, I had a lousy day! It was like that dumb novel about mice that I'm supposed to read for English. Who cares about mice? We're in high school! Enough with Cinderella and her singing pets already!

Just kidding. I actually know that Of Mice and Men is not about Cinderella.

[A little note from 2009: It is really unclear when I figured out that the famous opening lines, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." are actually from A Tale of Two Cities. But, no matter. This blog is NOT about literature. It is about hair, as you will read very soon.

It started out great because I actually got up in time to do my hair and make up before seminary (instead of skipping seminary with K and K to fix my hair in the church bathroom...)

My hair turned out for once! It takes forever to do my hair. First, I have to wash it (DUH) and then I blow it dry upside down while I scrunch it, and then I put it up in rollers. After the rollers cool, I run just my fingers through it and then I use my curling iron to spiral curl the top layer.

I spray it before and after I curl it so it will hold the curl. You can actually HEAR your hair frying while you fix it. This is why deep conditioning is so important. I found a new hair spray that smells like apples, and it doesn't smell half bad while cooking my hair. Anyway, when the hairspray is dry, I hang upside down and spray all of it. Then I curl my bangs.

The bangs get really tricky, because they have to be straight up, then curl back but they can't be clumped. Sometimes I actually have to rewash my bangs and start over. One girl told me she actually hangs upside down when she sprays her bangs, so they'll be taller.

Anyway, the bangs have two sections - one curls back and one curls under. The bangs that curl under can't be too poofy or too straight and they can't be clumped, either. It takes FOREVER. It takes me about two and a half hours to get ready in the morning, so you can see why I never get to seminary on time!

Last night my brother's girlfriend, Jen, brought me a bunch of her super cool clothes. She's in college but she goes to Evergreen. She sez clothes don't matter there, so I can wear her stuff this semester! She's RAD. What a sweetie. So, I have this great new Bennetton shirt and some International News sweatshirts now and another Generra shirt, too. She also gave me her black acid wash miniskirt and another denim mini skirt and they totally fit!

So, today I tried to look my best, in hopes of seeing JS at school. And, mom dropped me off for seminary (I think she was in SHOCK) but I was still running just a little late. I was wearing my new mini skirt and it's a jean skirt, so it doesn't stretch very much for me to walk. I was trying to walk fast, but I was also wearing sling-back flats (finally, a cool pair of shoes, from Jen, of course). I had my binder out because it doesn't fit in my International News bag (the bag is cotton and it kind of rips if I put my binder in it) and so I was running as fast as I could for the door to church.

I'm really not sure what happened. I reached my hand out to open the door while I was still running. The new flats were really slippery and the concrete sidewalk to the church might have been a little wet. But, all I know is my binder flew out of my hands and my bag dumped out with the force of the fall. My feet flew over my head and I could totally HEAR my butt hit the door. Did I mention it is a heavy glass door? Glass, as in SEE-THROUGH? Did I mention that BEN was on the other side of the door?

Yes, not only did I completely dish it, but I dished it in front of Ben. Not only did I dish it in front of Ben, but I dished it in such a way that my butt smooshed against a door. Not only did my butt smoosh against a door, the door was also glass.

I do NOT remember picking myself up, or picking up my books, or my binder, or putting it all back in my bag, or standing up, or walking through the door. I remember getting to the other side of that STUPID door and Ben was still there, completely bent over, shaking. He was laughing SO HARD that he wasn't making any sound. None. And he was still holding the phone. I guess he had come to the foyer to make a call just in time to see my butt hit the door.

He kept trying to look up and at me and he kept trying to say (I THINK he was trying to say) "Are you ok?" But he couldn't talk and laugh at the same time. And then I THINK he was trying to say "Sorry" because he felt bad about laughing at me. I think I laughed too. I HOPE I laughed. I don't remember. All I could think was, "OH NO! BEN saw my butt!"

Have I ever mentioned in here that my butt is NOT my best feature? I love the styles right now because everything hides the butt. Long sweaters. Long shirts. I actually kind of like my ankles. My calves aren't half bad. As a matter of fact, they are pretty muscular. They happen to be muscular, because they have the unfortunate job of CARRYING my big BUTT around. The BUTT that BEN saw.

You know what I figured out right then and there? Even though Ben put his arm around me (I still love his arms) and even though he asked me if I was ok (when he could speak again) and even though he was actually very sweet and apologized for laughing so hard even though I could totally tell he STILL wanted to laugh more...

I figured out that I can lose weight, I can get a better personality, I can fake that my family is spiritual and happy, but there is NO WAY Ben is ever going to like me. You know why? Because of the butt. He saw it. He not only saw the butt, but he saw the SMOOSHED butt. The butt that, billboard-sized as it is, got even wider from the smooshing and the force of the smooshing. All hope is gone. I might as well fall madly in love with Matt or JS or anyone else. There is no way back.

The good news is my hair still looked RAD. Somehow, no flat spots.

I saw JS in the halls and he totally waved at me between classes. AND he told Nikki, who told me, that he likes me. So, that would make it a great day, despite the butt incident, right? Nope. So, Nikki was going out with JS before and still likes him. And she thinks he told her that he likes me just to make her jealous. How great! I'm way into games. They are so fun. NOT!

I don't know if he's playing games or if she's playing games, but they have my blessing. I feel stupid for being used! So, does that make it a lousy day? Not really! Who cares? I'm OUTTA here. My official transfer notice came in the mail today! So, it is the BEST day. It doesn't matter.

Besides, only one guy has seen my butt, so I still have a chance with the rest of them. Ha ha!