I'm supposed to be at church right now, but I'm taking some time off. Church bugs me. Sometimes, I want to be good. But sometimes I want to be BAD. Really bad. With guys and stuff.
Plus, mom was getting on my case. Honestly, she makes me nuts. Since this is my new diary (my goal to finish one is officially accomplished!) I'm going to say things that are true and maybe not nice.
All of this is influenced by my mom. I want my kids to read this and be able to understand me, as a real teenager, at this stage in my life.
I hope I'm just going through a stage, but I can't stand to live with my mom another instant! I am in no way like her. We fight at least twice a day. She talks about stupid, unimportant things and has nothing to say when it comes to big things. AND she always finds some stupid excuse to stick her nose where it doesn't belong - like in my room. I'm practically an adult!
So I want my kids to know honestly what I'm like now instead of the fake crap parents always flip at us kids about them being perfect. I don't want my kids to feel as lonley, isolated, and yet boxed in, like I do now.
boondoggle mama (saturday) 02.25.89
1989: This year will go down in history as a year of major discovery: I actually CAN get my butt out of bed as early as 4:30am, though you wouldn't know it from my sorry seminary attendance.
It is all about the end destination. Is it seminary or is it, could it be...SKIING???!
As it turns out, it's not the road travelled that makes all the difference, but whether the destination is a mountain with a fresh dusting of snow (and really cute guys)!
Liam and Mac saved me a seat on the ski bus this morning. They are so sweet. We all sang Helter Skelter, so no red light district songs. I gave Mac a foot massage so he carried my skiis up the mountain for me.
Then Liam and Mac invited me to ski with them. I started doing awesome! I'm totally paralelling now. Except on Boondoggle. It's a solid cliff of moguls.
I fell down so much that I finally just took off my skiis and tossed them to Mac, who was waiting at the bottom of the run. I just slid down on my butt. So I earned a new nickname. (WHY do my nicknames all have to do with falling down?)
Mac and Liam call me "Boondoggle Mama." Cuz I totally SPANKED that run. uh huh.
I can't figure Mac out. I like to be around him and Liam. They're funny and gross and sweet and totally good looking. Mac laid in my lap on the ski lifts and pushed in my nose and said it is squishy. On the bus ride home, he asked me for a back rub, so I gave him one. No big deal. (He has a really nice back).
I was wearing my sunglasses and totally acted like I was asleep before and after I rubbed his back. But he kept looking at me. I just don't understand.
I swear I could read stuff in his eyes like he WANTED to kiss me but WHY? He totally has a girlfriend and she's really pretty. He said he wants to break up with her, cuz they keep fighting.
Besides, I look terrible when I ski and I'm a total spazz! Maybe I'm reading him wrong or maybe I'm being stuck-up. It's just so WEIRD.
It occurs to me that it would be really cool if he was my first real kiss. It's not like it would count because I'm not in love, but it would be better practice than the back of my hand! Then again, I think Mac has probably kissed a lot of girls (and other stuff, too!) and I would probably make a total idiot of myself.
It is all about the end destination. Is it seminary or is it, could it be...SKIING???!
As it turns out, it's not the road travelled that makes all the difference, but whether the destination is a mountain with a fresh dusting of snow (and really cute guys)!
Liam and Mac saved me a seat on the ski bus this morning. They are so sweet. We all sang Helter Skelter, so no red light district songs. I gave Mac a foot massage so he carried my skiis up the mountain for me.
Then Liam and Mac invited me to ski with them. I started doing awesome! I'm totally paralelling now. Except on Boondoggle. It's a solid cliff of moguls.
I fell down so much that I finally just took off my skiis and tossed them to Mac, who was waiting at the bottom of the run. I just slid down on my butt. So I earned a new nickname. (WHY do my nicknames all have to do with falling down?)
Mac and Liam call me "Boondoggle Mama." Cuz I totally SPANKED that run. uh huh.
I can't figure Mac out. I like to be around him and Liam. They're funny and gross and sweet and totally good looking. Mac laid in my lap on the ski lifts and pushed in my nose and said it is squishy. On the bus ride home, he asked me for a back rub, so I gave him one. No big deal. (He has a really nice back).
I was wearing my sunglasses and totally acted like I was asleep before and after I rubbed his back. But he kept looking at me. I just don't understand.
I swear I could read stuff in his eyes like he WANTED to kiss me but WHY? He totally has a girlfriend and she's really pretty. He said he wants to break up with her, cuz they keep fighting.
Besides, I look terrible when I ski and I'm a total spazz! Maybe I'm reading him wrong or maybe I'm being stuck-up. It's just so WEIRD.
It occurs to me that it would be really cool if he was my first real kiss. It's not like it would count because I'm not in love, but it would be better practice than the back of my hand! Then again, I think Mac has probably kissed a lot of girls (and other stuff, too!) and I would probably make a total idiot of myself.
Broken 02.23.1989
When time has gone by
I won't feel the pain
Maybe then I won't cry
Every time I hear her call your name.
Why does this have to hurt so much
Why do I feel this way
I look away whenever I see you
Because there's nothing left to say.
She's always with you
You're perfect together, never apart
So I'm left here feeling all alone
Alone with my aching heart
I wish I could let it go
And forget you ever existed
To turn the other cheek
When I see the two of you kissing
I see you holding hands
When I hoped that hand would be mine
This heart can't take it anymore
It can only be broken so many times.
- Mikare Delsa Night {my pen name}
{A word from 2009: Goo! OMH! ucky ucky ucky zoop! ptang ptang. what tripe! what drivel! does anyone have a shovel?}
I won't feel the pain
Maybe then I won't cry
Every time I hear her call your name.
Why does this have to hurt so much
Why do I feel this way
I look away whenever I see you
Because there's nothing left to say.
She's always with you
You're perfect together, never apart
So I'm left here feeling all alone
Alone with my aching heart
I wish I could let it go
And forget you ever existed
To turn the other cheek
When I see the two of you kissing
I see you holding hands
When I hoped that hand would be mine
This heart can't take it anymore
It can only be broken so many times.
- Mikare Delsa Night {my pen name}
{A word from 2009: Goo! OMH! ucky ucky ucky zoop! ptang ptang. what tripe! what drivel! does anyone have a shovel?}
new diary, new me! 02.21.89
I've been thinking about how I act on the ski bus. In four days, I get to go skiing again and lately I have been bad on the ski bus. I have been hanging out with these really gorgeous guys and so I try to act like someone I'm not.
Last week on the way up to the mountain we told bad jokes (well, I don't know any, but I listened to them) and we told stories, and sang naughty songs, like a nasty song by the Police about Roxanne, a red light girl and another song about grandmas setting each other on fire. And, they've been teaching me to burp. I've been practicing because I didn't know how to burp before and it totally grosses my mom out.
I really want to change and do better, be a better person. Here are some reasons I need to change, and have a better attitude:
1. I cover up my feelings by laughing too much
2. I need to have a softer, more controlled voice
3. I need to toughen up against insults
4. I need to stop acting so immature and stupid
5. I need to stop trying to impress people
6. I need to be kinder to people, more caring, understanding, a listener
7. I need to be more spiritual, more obedient
8. I need to be more sociable so people won't be so turned off by my shyness and think I'm a snob
9. I need to be less self-centered, less cowardly, more self-sacrificing
10. I need to be quieter, sweeter
11. I need to be less judgmental
12. I need to be more considerate of other people
13. I need to be more gracious, have better manners
14. I need to improve the way I think about myself
15. I need a self-esteem
The problem is, sometimes I want to be naughty. But mostly, I want to be good. It is just hard to totally decide and stick with it.
Last week on the way up to the mountain we told bad jokes (well, I don't know any, but I listened to them) and we told stories, and sang naughty songs, like a nasty song by the Police about Roxanne, a red light girl and another song about grandmas setting each other on fire. And, they've been teaching me to burp. I've been practicing because I didn't know how to burp before and it totally grosses my mom out.
I really want to change and do better, be a better person. Here are some reasons I need to change, and have a better attitude:
1. I cover up my feelings by laughing too much
2. I need to have a softer, more controlled voice
3. I need to toughen up against insults
4. I need to stop acting so immature and stupid
5. I need to stop trying to impress people
6. I need to be kinder to people, more caring, understanding, a listener
7. I need to be more spiritual, more obedient
8. I need to be more sociable so people won't be so turned off by my shyness and think I'm a snob
9. I need to be less self-centered, less cowardly, more self-sacrificing
10. I need to be quieter, sweeter
11. I need to be less judgmental
12. I need to be more considerate of other people
13. I need to be more gracious, have better manners
14. I need to improve the way I think about myself
15. I need a self-esteem
The problem is, sometimes I want to be naughty. But mostly, I want to be good. It is just hard to totally decide and stick with it.
cheezing out over brian 02.20.89
I walked over to see Brian today (he lives about a block away). He's Doug's little brother, who happens to be my best guy friend, ever (Brian, I mean).
We chased Max and fixed dinner and then we totally jammed on the piano! That was the coolest part of our night. We started to make up a song called Under the Sun - what he did was goofed around with chords and stuff on the piano, and then from that I'd just make up words and a melody as we went along. Brian is a genius at the piano!
We chased Max and fixed dinner and then we totally jammed on the piano! That was the coolest part of our night. We started to make up a song called Under the Sun - what he did was goofed around with chords and stuff on the piano, and then from that I'd just make up words and a melody as we went along. Brian is a genius at the piano!
We get a long so well - and I love him a lot as a friend. We've been through so much together - and he's always been there to cheer me up when I was down and to help me out of troubles.
I told him about the wine coolers and he said it was good that I didn't drink any, because of the Word of Wisdom and stuff. We're not supposed to drink or smoke or have coffee or do drugs. He said if I ever get in that situation again, I can call him and his mom will come get me. He cares about me and I care about him sooooooooo much.
When I hang out with Brian, I can't even remember why I would care what anyone else thinks about me. I only care that he approves of me, and I know he cares about me the same way God does - that he wants what is good for me. Being with him is so peaceful and happy.
We have our lives planned out together - from small to big things - like daily jamming sessions ranging to college, missions, and jobs. We both want to be psychologists. We'll do therapy on people from our white house with a white picket fence and we'll have lots of kids and both be home with them all day, but we'll have an office outside the house so strangers can't come in. We have the same dreams.
I can't explain how I know that no matter what, no matter how far away he is from me, he's by my side. Just that eternal friend.
I can't believe that I'm out of pages to write in. When I get a new diary, I'll make sure to tell what happened at school today and about last night and what happened today with Matt!
teeny boppers 02.19.89
Last night wuz crazy! I wuz supposed to go to a dance at the mall, but when I got there I found out the advertising was all mixed up and the highschools' dance is next month! There were all these teeny boppers there and it totally freaked me out! But, a lot of high school people had been there and so I wasn't the only one.
When I was walking out, feeling like a total idiot and that my night wuz ruined, I saw S. and B., two of my popular friends from THS.
We ran into M. who wuz acting dumb and said she wanted to get hashed (drunk) so S. and B. would think she wuz cool. She said she would find someone to give us wine coolers. S. and B. were all going, "Well, ok, you can hang out with us for a while then," (to M.). I was mass embarrassed!
M. took us to B.C., a pizza hang-out for all the teenagers. So, S. and B. walked up to some college guys and asked them to do us a favor. They did, so M., S., and B. went behind the theater to drink. M. chugged a whole two-liter of Berry Wine cooler. I didn't have any because I'm afraid to drink and I've never had any alcohol. But I didn't want S. and B. to think I'm a geek, so I didn't say anything. M. and S. got really drunk, but B. didn't want to drink and I didn't either, so we went back to B.C.
While we were there these guys (GORGEOUS) started hitting on me. It wuz pretty cool. They were from California! I fell in love with the one who liked like John Stamos and Judd Nelson put together! Mmmm. Yummy!
Anyway, the next thing I knew they were arranging to meet us at 1am because S. could sneak out later. (M. wuz laying down in the parking lot saying how drunk she wuz. so STUPID!)
The guys especially told me that I'd better be there. Wow! Amazing! Whoah! But when S.'s mom got there she was all pissed at S. for drinking and so I couldn't stay the night. I bet they met those guys and I DIDN'T. Poop.
Well, not to get all religious and stuf, but I really think somebody up there loves me and was protecting me. I know it. Sounds weird, especially since I couldn't possibly have the Spirit with me after standing behind a theater with people who were drinking wine coolers, but I'm sure nothing good happened with those guys. They were mass older than us and they seemed fine with it.
I won't find out what happened until tomorrow. I can't wait!
PS What a weekend!
When I was walking out, feeling like a total idiot and that my night wuz ruined, I saw S. and B., two of my popular friends from THS.
We ran into M. who wuz acting dumb and said she wanted to get hashed (drunk) so S. and B. would think she wuz cool. She said she would find someone to give us wine coolers. S. and B. were all going, "Well, ok, you can hang out with us for a while then," (to M.). I was mass embarrassed!
M. took us to B.C., a pizza hang-out for all the teenagers. So, S. and B. walked up to some college guys and asked them to do us a favor. They did, so M., S., and B. went behind the theater to drink. M. chugged a whole two-liter of Berry Wine cooler. I didn't have any because I'm afraid to drink and I've never had any alcohol. But I didn't want S. and B. to think I'm a geek, so I didn't say anything. M. and S. got really drunk, but B. didn't want to drink and I didn't either, so we went back to B.C.
While we were there these guys (GORGEOUS) started hitting on me. It wuz pretty cool. They were from California! I fell in love with the one who liked like John Stamos and Judd Nelson put together! Mmmm. Yummy!
Anyway, the next thing I knew they were arranging to meet us at 1am because S. could sneak out later. (M. wuz laying down in the parking lot saying how drunk she wuz. so STUPID!)
The guys especially told me that I'd better be there. Wow! Amazing! Whoah! But when S.'s mom got there she was all pissed at S. for drinking and so I couldn't stay the night. I bet they met those guys and I DIDN'T. Poop.
Well, not to get all religious and stuf, but I really think somebody up there loves me and was protecting me. I know it. Sounds weird, especially since I couldn't possibly have the Spirit with me after standing behind a theater with people who were drinking wine coolers, but I'm sure nothing good happened with those guys. They were mass older than us and they seemed fine with it.
I won't find out what happened until tomorrow. I can't wait!
PS What a weekend!
introducing... GRACE 02.16.89
Today, I earned a nickname. I have always wanted a nickname, and my name doesn't really lend itself to pet names, but pet names are proof that someone likes you or at least has thought enough about you to give you a name other than your own and I have always thought it would be cool to have someone call me something other than my boring name.
But, now I have one and I have to say it is a not so gentle reminder of one of my more humiliating personality traits, which is totally mass clutsiness.
I might mention that the steps at school leading to my 4th period class are a very odd width - very wide steps but not super high so you just feel the need to take them fast to make up for the waste of space. I should also mention that my skirts are generally short-ish and on the tighter side. My favorite flats are rather slippery, also. And, it's been freezing and raining... so lots of ice patches on these stupid wide steps.
Somehow, less than one month after transfering to a new school where I am supposed to no longer be the FF Poppy and I am supposed to become the absolutely coolest version of myself possible, I have fallen down no less than three times. Usually in the same place.
The first time, no one saw. The second time, K. saw and helped me up. The third time, Mr. Football Jock saw and now he thinks it is funny to call me Grace.
He also asked me out, so I'm sure he didn't see my butt, at least.
But, now I have one and I have to say it is a not so gentle reminder of one of my more humiliating personality traits, which is totally mass clutsiness.
I might mention that the steps at school leading to my 4th period class are a very odd width - very wide steps but not super high so you just feel the need to take them fast to make up for the waste of space. I should also mention that my skirts are generally short-ish and on the tighter side. My favorite flats are rather slippery, also. And, it's been freezing and raining... so lots of ice patches on these stupid wide steps.
Somehow, less than one month after transfering to a new school where I am supposed to no longer be the FF Poppy and I am supposed to become the absolutely coolest version of myself possible, I have fallen down no less than three times. Usually in the same place.
The first time, no one saw. The second time, K. saw and helped me up. The third time, Mr. Football Jock saw and now he thinks it is funny to call me Grace.
He also asked me out, so I'm sure he didn't see my butt, at least.
Valen-UGH-GUH!-tines Day 02.14.89
What a day. Matt is officially going out with Emily. Oh well. I'm so sick of caring I could B-A-R-F. I was trying my hardest not to be depressed all day. Then, I got Valentine balloons in 5th period. They were from Phoebe! She got them for me because she knew how depressed I was. It helped me out so much.
Also, she had them delivered just before the 6th period Algebra class I have with Matt. Her note said, "Let him think someone is madly in love with you!" Phoebe is totally RAD.
So, thanks to Phoebe, I walked into 6th period with all these sweetheart balloons and Matt came up and all tried to talk to me and I was just all mysterious about it. HAH.
I have this feeling that when he came up to me that one day and wouldn't let go of my arm and tried to talk to me that I should have listened. No, I take that back. He should have tried harder. HAH. Like I said, oh well.
I'm not even mad at Phoebe anymore that Ben likes her better than me. He should! She's soooooooooo cool!
Also, she had them delivered just before the 6th period Algebra class I have with Matt. Her note said, "Let him think someone is madly in love with you!" Phoebe is totally RAD.
So, thanks to Phoebe, I walked into 6th period with all these sweetheart balloons and Matt came up and all tried to talk to me and I was just all mysterious about it. HAH.
I have this feeling that when he came up to me that one day and wouldn't let go of my arm and tried to talk to me that I should have listened. No, I take that back. He should have tried harder. HAH. Like I said, oh well.
I'm not even mad at Phoebe anymore that Ben likes her better than me. He should! She's soooooooooo cool!
heartbreak overload! 02.13.89
It's the final countdown. Tomorrow, Matt asks Emily and they'll be a couple, officially. On Valentine's Day. UGH GUH!
I'm realizing I made myself like Matt for more than just a summer crush because I wanted to get over Ben but the problem is now I really do like Matt and I think maybe he might have liked me too but he just got over it fast and I'm sure Emily doesn't like him nearly as much as I do. ARRRGH!
If I made myself like him I can make myself not like him and then tomorrow won't be nearly as annoying.
OF COURSE Ben is now all best buds with Phoebe. Ugh. Guh.
So what will I do when Emily comes up to me and goes, "Guess what? He asked me!"
I'll go, "That's awesome! How great! Super!" and I'll smile and laugh and be fake. Because that's what I'm good at: faking. That's what I am. Fake fake fake.
So we don't have cable. I don't tell anyone. It's embarrassing. Anyway, the first time I watched Mtv we were visiting my grandparents (!!).
Yup. My grandparents are cooler than I am.
Anyway, you never forget your first video. John Waite: "STOP THIS heart break over loooooad"!
Officially, I am not in like with Matt anymore. I do, however, massively love John Waite. He gets me.
I'm realizing I made myself like Matt for more than just a summer crush because I wanted to get over Ben but the problem is now I really do like Matt and I think maybe he might have liked me too but he just got over it fast and I'm sure Emily doesn't like him nearly as much as I do. ARRRGH!
If I made myself like him I can make myself not like him and then tomorrow won't be nearly as annoying.
OF COURSE Ben is now all best buds with Phoebe. Ugh. Guh.
So what will I do when Emily comes up to me and goes, "Guess what? He asked me!"
I'll go, "That's awesome! How great! Super!" and I'll smile and laugh and be fake. Because that's what I'm good at: faking. That's what I am. Fake fake fake.
So we don't have cable. I don't tell anyone. It's embarrassing. Anyway, the first time I watched Mtv we were visiting my grandparents (!!).
Yup. My grandparents are cooler than I am.
Anyway, you never forget your first video. John Waite: "STOP THIS heart break over loooooad"!
Officially, I am not in like with Matt anymore. I do, however, massively love John Waite. He gets me.
GroSSSSSS! new rulz, mis amigos
ok, YUCKO! Thanks for all the submissions to the POETRY CONTEST, but I have something very DEEP and POYGnant and IMPORTANT to say.
Stop it with the nasty poems. I said ANGSTY poems, not NASTY. Nasty is anything that mentions s.e.x or anything to do with s.e.x ESPECIALLY totally GROSS diseases unless you consider kissing and ncmo stuff to be something like s.e.x. It's ok to share poems about kissing, and spirits flying across the sky and sad songs. Plus hearts and unicorns. I haven't even kissed anyone for real yet and NO ONE has kissed my collar bones yet so don't ruin it for me by using fowl language and writing about GROSS stuff. I MEAN IT.
okay?!!
((Go ahead, call me a prude. It's not like I care. (Actually, I'll cry for days over how cruel and mean the world is when I'm just trying to be GOOD and RIGHTEOUS and then I'll even consider praying about it but I'll listen to a John BTW tape instead).)
Stop it with the nasty poems. I said ANGSTY poems, not NASTY. Nasty is anything that mentions s.e.x or anything to do with s.e.x ESPECIALLY totally GROSS diseases unless you consider kissing and ncmo stuff to be something like s.e.x. It's ok to share poems about kissing, and spirits flying across the sky and sad songs. Plus hearts and unicorns. I haven't even kissed anyone for real yet and NO ONE has kissed my collar bones yet so don't ruin it for me by using fowl language and writing about GROSS stuff. I MEAN IT.
okay?!!
((Go ahead, call me a prude. It's not like I care. (Actually, I'll cry for days over how cruel and mean the world is when I'm just trying to be GOOD and RIGHTEOUS and then I'll even consider praying about it but I'll listen to a John BTW tape instead).)
i go, and she goes, and we go... 02.10.89
Hiya! Guess what? Well, there's a lot for an answer to that. I'm going skiing tomorrow! Yay!
Well today K. came up to me and I go, "Howz Bobby?" (the guy she likes).
And she goes, "Well today this guy wuz being perverted to me and Bobby got all pissed."
So I go, "Oh, that's so cool. Bobby likes you. I know it!"
Well later, K. showed Phoebe the guy who was being perverted to her. So Phoebe points out the perverted guy to me. And guess what? It was the guy I was supposed to go on a date with tonight. So I dumped him. Perverted guys are so gross!
Matt was all sweet today. He all came up and talked to me and when K. dragged me away to tell me the news he like, grabbed on to my arm and said he still needed to talk to me. But I had to go. When I didn't know he was there I was all hyper and goin' "I get to see N. tomorrow skiing." Then I saw Matt and he just looked at me.
Whenever he's with Emily, I barely say hi but he's all sweet and stuff when she's not around. Don't get me wrong. I like Emily.
Then I was talking to K. and K. and I'm really upset because Matt's gonna ask Emily out. And then they tell me that whenever he's around, I get really distant. And I thought, wow, like I really do. Because I'm not about to show him how I really feel.
He's supposed to ask Emily out on Valentine's day. How romantic. And utterly depressing!
Well today K. came up to me and I go, "Howz Bobby?" (the guy she likes).
And she goes, "Well today this guy wuz being perverted to me and Bobby got all pissed."
So I go, "Oh, that's so cool. Bobby likes you. I know it!"
Well later, K. showed Phoebe the guy who was being perverted to her. So Phoebe points out the perverted guy to me. And guess what? It was the guy I was supposed to go on a date with tonight. So I dumped him. Perverted guys are so gross!
Matt was all sweet today. He all came up and talked to me and when K. dragged me away to tell me the news he like, grabbed on to my arm and said he still needed to talk to me. But I had to go. When I didn't know he was there I was all hyper and goin' "I get to see N. tomorrow skiing." Then I saw Matt and he just looked at me.
Whenever he's with Emily, I barely say hi but he's all sweet and stuff when she's not around. Don't get me wrong. I like Emily.
Then I was talking to K. and K. and I'm really upset because Matt's gonna ask Emily out. And then they tell me that whenever he's around, I get really distant. And I thought, wow, like I really do. Because I'm not about to show him how I really feel.
He's supposed to ask Emily out on Valentine's day. How romantic. And utterly depressing!
impossible love triangles -- 02.09.89
Hiya! Well, I transferred and I'm doing pretty good. My classes are mass easy and I've made lots of new friends. The only problem is I miss NTHS more than I thought I would.
I got to THS thinking I didn't like Matt anymore. Well I do. And he likes one of my friends who also likes him a lot. So, I'm stuck. Life is so confusing. I wrote a poem about how I feel about Matt. It's called Crushed.
We also sing a song in Choir called "Here within My Heart" and when we sing it I think of Matt and I hurt somewhere deep deep down inside. It's so tragically romantic!
I'm supposed to go on a date tomorrow with some junior from my 6th period class. I just like Matt so much and it's so impossible that I'm doing everything to forget him.
I better go!
I got to THS thinking I didn't like Matt anymore. Well I do. And he likes one of my friends who also likes him a lot. So, I'm stuck. Life is so confusing. I wrote a poem about how I feel about Matt. It's called Crushed.
We also sing a song in Choir called "Here within My Heart" and when we sing it I think of Matt and I hurt somewhere deep deep down inside. It's so tragically romantic!
I'm supposed to go on a date tomorrow with some junior from my 6th period class. I just like Matt so much and it's so impossible that I'm doing everything to forget him.
I better go!
ALONE - a poem from 02/89
I totally wrote this poem last night. I have no idea why; I wasn't even sad. Well, I guess I was thinking a little about Ben. I try to be sprung over Matt, or JS, or that skiing guy, but really... I think my love for him is an "eternal flame."
Alone
I stand alone
As the sun sinks over the trees.
And I remember
you and me
And the way we used to be
Once upon a time
We stood together
And watched the sun go down
Two shadows hand in hand
So in love, not alone
There's a part of you
and a part of me
Where the sun goes over
the land
Our spirits fly
Across the sky
The only thing changed
Is they're not hand in hand
This time
I stand alone
As the sun sinks over the trees
And I remember
You and me
And the way we used to be
{A note from 2009: Can I just say that this has got to be the WORST of all angst poetry!? Bad rhymes, mentions of sunsets, spirits flying across the sky. I DEFY anyone to submit a worse poem than this. GO ahead; I won't believe it until I read it!}
Alone
I stand alone
As the sun sinks over the trees.
And I remember
you and me
And the way we used to be
Once upon a time
We stood together
And watched the sun go down
Two shadows hand in hand
So in love, not alone
There's a part of you
and a part of me
Where the sun goes over
the land
Our spirits fly
Across the sky
The only thing changed
Is they're not hand in hand
This time
I stand alone
As the sun sinks over the trees
And I remember
You and me
And the way we used to be
{A note from 2009: Can I just say that this has got to be the WORST of all angst poetry!? Bad rhymes, mentions of sunsets, spirits flying across the sky. I DEFY anyone to submit a worse poem than this. GO ahead; I won't believe it until I read it!}
so SPRUNG over SKI(boys)ING!! - 02.05.89
It's SNOWING. We've totally been out of school for four days! What's so sucky is I got sick at the same time. And, even though I finished finals, I haven't gone to THS yet.
Still, I had an AWESOME day skiing on Saturday. I'm still lousy at the skiing part, but the guy part is totally RAD. Saturday I met a guy named Nate who is totally terriffic in every way. Very sweet. Very smart.
But, oh, did I mention he's also a model for Generra line clothing, and for The Bon and Nordstroms, too? He's paid like $3,000 a job on the average. He's 16, sweet, gorgeous, built, filthy rich, a skiier, and oh yeah, he drives a jeep.
I totally heart him. He skiied with me all day. Ok, so I snowplowed and he skiied and went off jumps while I just tried to get down the stupid hill. Skiing would be totally LAME if it didn't involve lots of cute guys!
We met on the ski lift. I LOVE ski lifts. Ski lifts are the best part of skiing.
Tomorrow is my first day at THS. I'm sooooooo scared, but excited too. Wish me luck!
Still, I had an AWESOME day skiing on Saturday. I'm still lousy at the skiing part, but the guy part is totally RAD. Saturday I met a guy named Nate who is totally terriffic in every way. Very sweet. Very smart.
But, oh, did I mention he's also a model for Generra line clothing, and for The Bon and Nordstroms, too? He's paid like $3,000 a job on the average. He's 16, sweet, gorgeous, built, filthy rich, a skiier, and oh yeah, he drives a jeep.
I totally heart him. He skiied with me all day. Ok, so I snowplowed and he skiied and went off jumps while I just tried to get down the stupid hill. Skiing would be totally LAME if it didn't involve lots of cute guys!
We met on the ski lift. I LOVE ski lifts. Ski lifts are the best part of skiing.
Tomorrow is my first day at THS. I'm sooooooo scared, but excited too. Wish me luck!
Adolescent Angst Poetry Contest Details
********************
Dig out your old journals and diaries for our
Adolescent Angst BAD Poetry
EXHIBITION!
********************
GuidelinesIdeally, submissions meet the following criteria...
--Written many years ago, during a fit of adolescent angst
--No strong emotional attachments to the poem, please
--Hopelessly self-indulgent and self-involved
--Rhyming preferred
--Up to five submissions accepted per person
Submission Details
--Submit your poetry to 80s.angst@gmail.com
--Include "angst poetry contest" in the subject line.
--Provide email or snail mail contact information.
Deadlines
--Submissions accepted until March 15th.
--Voting begins ten days later, on March 25th.
----Beginning March 25th a poll of poem titles appears at top left of this blog.
----The poll will list the top five angsty poems by title.
----Read the most recent posts; each will contain one of the top five poems.
----Use the polling feature to vote for your poem.
---Voting ends on April 14th.
Prizes
--Winner (popular favorite) receives $50 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble
--2nd runner up receives year subscription to Poets & Writers magazine
--TOP 5 receive never-ending fame and glory as permanent posts on the 80s Adolescent Angst blog.
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