new diary, new me! 02.21.89

I've been thinking about how I act on the ski bus. In four days, I get to go skiing again and lately I have been bad on the ski bus. I have been hanging out with these really gorgeous guys and so I try to act like someone I'm not.

Last week on the way up to the mountain we told bad jokes (well, I don't know any, but I listened to them) and we told stories, and sang naughty songs, like a nasty song by the Police about Roxanne, a red light girl and another song about grandmas setting each other on fire. And, they've been teaching me to burp. I've been practicing because I didn't know how to burp before and it totally grosses my mom out.

I really want to change and do better, be a better person. Here are some reasons I need to change, and have a better attitude:

1. I cover up my feelings by laughing too much
2. I need to have a softer, more controlled voice
3. I need to toughen up against insults
4. I need to stop acting so immature and stupid
5. I need to stop trying to impress people
6. I need to be kinder to people, more caring, understanding, a listener
7. I need to be more spiritual, more obedient
8. I need to be more sociable so people won't be so turned off by my shyness and think I'm a snob
9. I need to be less self-centered, less cowardly, more self-sacrificing
10. I need to be quieter, sweeter
11. I need to be less judgmental
12. I need to be more considerate of other people
13. I need to be more gracious, have better manners
14. I need to improve the way I think about myself
15. I need a self-esteem

The problem is, sometimes I want to be naughty. But mostly, I want to be good. It is just hard to totally decide and stick with it.