It's the final countdown...to the last Russ entry (please, for the LOVE, let it END already...)

If your New Year's resolution is to start a journal, or to journal more frequently, a word of warning:

Writing in a journal puts a long tail on REALLY insignificant things.

Had I actually married Russ, or at least seen him more than a few times, I suppose these entries would be very tender.

However... now we face the tedious finale to the Russ saga before we can get to more interesting material. Like my infatuation with Stryper and Milli Vanilli.

Diary Entry: July 11, 1989 (still...)

Tonight we had the Stake Interview to go to the Seattle temple.

Russ came a little late and he sat RIGHT BEHIND me and Tina. He was singing "If you don't know me by now" by Simply Red.

I felt all smiley inside because yesterday when he came over, I didn't know he was there, and I had Tina's radio on full blast. And when that song came on, I screamed and turned it up and started singing as loud as I could because I LOVE that song.

It felt like he was sending a special message. Nobody else knows about it, so it would only mean something to me.

Then again, he could just like the song.

But even if he just likes the song, I also LOVE the song and that makes it another sign that we are perfect for each other.

[Note from 2010: I just read the above paragraph to my husband and he said, "Wow. Who ARE you?"]

The meeting was mass cool. I felt guilty over a lot of things I have done. Stuff like lying about my age to some gorgeous guy or faking how I feel or hoping someone will kiss me on the collarbones really soon.

The first time I met Russ, something told me I was going to marry him. I've never written that in here before. But...

[Note from 2010: Ok, this is so barf-inducing that I cannot transcribe it for you. You're just going to have to read the real thing. Pukity puke pukeness...]

Goo. Blady blady. It goes on from here to say many more vomitous things about how great Russ is, and then it says this:

*warning* *warning* *warning*

A little piece of advice [for my daughters]:

Pay attention to "whatsherface." If some woman lives in the same town with a guy you don't know and she tells you that the guy you don't know is a womanizer, she might just be right.

Even if the guy is capable of having a deep spiritual conversation about where the moon comes up (wait for it), you should still run. Run very fast.

Here is the bit about the moon coming up:

As if this particular entry weren't humiliating enough, I've opted to include its stunningly embarrassing conclusion.

My husband insisted. And, because he's had to listen to these stupid entries about Russ for over a week now, I'm obliging him.

It pains me.

Here's why:

You heard it here.

When your heart and your brain change places (and when memories smile all by themselves) the world you call your life runs smoother.

"And now you know."